The Moment I Realized I Had Failed As A Father

The man who I was faced with is not who I’d ever hoped to be

It was 1993.

I was in nursing school; my wife at the time was in med school. Our little girl, Katelyn, was barely about yay tall and had just started walking. We were the proverbial “starving students.”

It was my turn to run to the grocery store for milk and diapers. My wife reached into her purse to grab the keys. Instead, she grabbed something else and handed them over to me.

Foodstamps.

Time stopped. Everything froze. Especially my breathing as I looked at the book of “welfare” given to us by the government so I could buy food for my family.

We were poor. Dirt poor, and as I type this, I feel it welling up inside me.

Anger, frustration, sadness, determination, grit, and resolution walloped me all at once. I’d rather take a punch from Tyson than experience that smack again.

And then…Katelyn looked up at me, outstretched arms and a saggy diaper barely held up with cheap velcro, and spoke to me through her huge brown eyes…

I held it together long enough to get into the car before I broke down. And when it was done, I made the decision that would change my life forever.

Never fucking again will anyone ever have to…EVER…feed my family.

That moment was the spark that lit the bonfire that burns to this day and propels me, compels me, and drives me to give my best in everything I do.

Because I refuse to return to that moment again.

Because we are all on a journey in life. And we all face obstacles, heartaches, heartbreaks, and even those moments when it feels like life is unfair. Like the chips are stacked against us.

I get it.
I do.
And I know you do too.

Related posts:

There was a time when we sought the best and brightest. Those old enough or well-read enough will remember the Best and Brightest as David Halberstam’s study of how the Vietnam War went to hell with…

Programming language is a formal language used to instruct computers to perform specific tasks. It consists of a set of instructions and rules used to create software programs and applications. Some…

A DropdownButton widget shows a list of items when tapped. DropdownButton class is generic with the type parameter representing the type of values. The list of items is specified using the items…