Could Money Ruin My Marriage? Ask These 5 Questions

Get On the Same Page About the Money in Your Marriage Before It’s Too Late

Calling all married couples! Are you talking about the finances in your marriage? You should be.

Money is an uncomfortable subject and certainly, something that can be avoided and ignored, but eventually it will rise to the surface… and it might be to the detriment of your marriage!

Let’s take a second to look at the statistics for married couples out there. 22% of all divorces are caused by money issues, deeming it the third leading cause! On top of that, 45% of men and women are more likely to seek a divorce if they feel that their partner spends money foolishly. In fact, couples that argue about finances once a week or more are 30% more likely to get divorced.

So, the importance of being on the same page about the money in your marriage is imperative! Time to take the bull by the horns. Ask yourself these five questions and get moving…

Let’s start with being practical here. You and your partner HAVE to agree on financial priorities to avoid arguments and resentment.

It’s normal to disagree. Having differences of opinion is just a fact of life. But once you and your partner decide to build a life together, YOUR money becomes THEIR money and vice versa. So, it’s an unfortunate NECESSITY that you discuss the money in your marriage.

Have a sit-down chat and lay your cards on the table; take turns expressing your priorities. Or even create your own numbered lists and compare them. Ultimately, it comes down to whether you have the same financial goals…

Do you agree with funneling most of your money into the children’s education? Does/did one of you prioritize splashing out on the wedding or honeymoon whilst the other wanted to keep things less costly? Maybe one of you would like to set aside some of your hard-earned cash for a mortgage or a car.

Next, come to a compromise. Perhaps you need to lower your financial expectations on one of your priorities because your spouse disagrees with it. Maybe both of you move something up on the list after realizing that you agree on that aspect.

If there are certain factors you wish to put your foot down on, then ensure you’re willing to budge on others to make your partner happy.

The short answer is yes.

We know it’s not fun. Maybe your partner is keen on budgeting and you’re not, which is a cause of tension between the two of you. Or perhaps it’s the other way around.

Let us be clear about something, there should be no stigma around finding a bargain or looking for good value purchases. It can be smart to be prudent. Even if you’re very comfortable financially and you have extra spending room, you’ve got to consider rainy days.

Picture this: you lose your job, your house crumbles to the ground, your car conks out, your spouse wants laser eye surgery, and your kid has just been offered a place at an expensive university. Do you have any savings to help you out? It’s always good to keep a buffer on standby that can act as your insurance policy.

So, now you’re sold on budgeting, it’s time to agree on it with your partner. You can’t achieve this point without following point one. Set priorities, and then you can set expectations. Agree on how much you want to spend on food, rent, or entertainment a month, and how much you want to put into your savings pot.

Remember, if one of you wants to budget and save but the other doesn’t… this is a recipe for disaster! Negotiate on a budget that you both find reasonable and can stick to. After all, there’s no point in setting expectations you can’t live up to.

Okay, it’s pretty typical that one partner earns more than the other. So, nobody is saying both partners have to go Dutch and fund everything equally.

However, whilst the lower-earning partner might not be able to invest the same into big costs as the higher-earning partner, they can still invest whatever slice of the pie is affordable to them. Or perhaps they can even do so using non-monetary means e.g. they can’t afford to pay any money towards the children going to private school so they volunteer for the school council and take charge of the school run instead.

If you and your spouse do earn the same, then go for it and invest the same amounts! However, usually, money isn’t equally divided within marriages. So, both partners, whether they earn less or more, need to be willing to compromise. View yourself as a TEAM. Be equal players.

Ask yourself: is there a balance in our marriage? Do I feel equal to my partner when it comes to money? Do things Feel Fair?

Finally, if you’ve mastered points one and two, then you’ve agreed on your priorities and you’re on the same page about budgeting. Hence, neither partner should resent the other for earning more or hold the fact that they earn more over the other’s head. BUT if this is happening, seeking a marriage counselor might be a good next step. It’s not something to ignore.

Firstly, you and your spouse need to be transparent about your finances.

Tell them about your upcoming costs. “Okay” big purchases with your partner before going through with them.

Got inner spending demons, like gambling or the shopaholic disease? Tell them! Have you mounted up student loans or credit card debt? Tell them!

The truth always comes out eventually, so the best advice is to be OPEN and HONEST.

If you’ve been doing what’s been said so far under point four then that’s great and you deserve equal financial power to your partner. After all, you and your partner should be equal when it comes to controlling the money in your marriage.

Do you both have access to your bank accounts? Do you both understand how to manage finances, such as insurance, tax, bills, and mortgages? Do you both monitor savings and budgeting? Having an equal amount of control and understanding over the money in your marriage will work wonders for your relationship, and make it much easier to trust one another…

To answer yes to this, you need to be ticking off everything in point four! For there to be trust over the money in your marriage, there needs to be an open line of communication.

So, repeat after us: I will not lie or keep secrets! And mean it.

If you don’t trust your spouse when it comes to finances, come up with a simple bullet point list as to why. Then, find a calm moment to sit down with them and respectfully work through the points on that list. If they don’t trust you with money, then ask them to do the same.

It’s important to work out these kinks as trust can never be underestimated when it comes to money in marriage!

Perhaps you’ll find that there are no actual reasons for the mistrust. Or maybe the reasons are long in the past and have been rectified. If this is the case, a simple chat’s probably not going to resolve everything. It might be worth seeking out a professional who can help.

Once you’ve asked yourself these 5 questions, it might be worth asking your partner to run through them too. Then, you can hold an equal conversation over it together and take turns bringing up both of your concerns about the finances in your marriage.

Remember, two things throughout all of your communication on money and marriage:

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