On Healing

This is how you think you will heal

An unending swirl of dances in the sun on your melanated skin

Beautiful smiles with intriguing social media captions

You will think your healing comes from thunderous screams of happy ever after's

It don’t be like that

Your healing will come in long night visits of racing heartbeats

Leaving you with a tightness in your joints as your pain exacerbates

A trigger, leading to another trigger, then another one

A squash feeling in your throat, a nauseous tummy

This is how you thought you would heal

PERFECTION

It didn’t come like that

Your healing came in cycles of nightmares filled with constant rejections and loud voices in your head

It was the intense migraines backed up with thick salty tears gushing down your face

Your healing is sitting. Soaking. Basking. In this pit of hurt as it simmers through your body

As you crawl towards the end of the tunnel

Your healing reminds you it can look like a warm shower

Or feel like hot tea burning your throat

It was you writing out a pitiful poem yet so proud of it

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