I Still Love You

I always thought that dreams were just dreams until you came into my life. And then we were building new dreams with me. I want you to know that since the day we were born I’ve loved you. There are no words to express the feeling that I felt in my heart the day you came into my life. You’ve made every day in my life meaningful. You are my life source, heart, and soul. You are my best friend, my one true love, and I. I love you more today than I did yesterday, and I’ll love you more tomorrow, win or fall.

I can see it happening all over again. I see you. I do. I do see the pain in those eyes. I do see your weight fluctuating. I do see the changes in your posture. I see your lips darkening, your eyes lowering, your spirit breaking. Beyond your exterior, I see all of the anger, anguish and anxiety. But I still see love too; I see all of the love you wanted to give, if not for the scars. And for that reason, you’re worth it. You were always worth it. It’s still there my love, love is alive in you I promise, and one day I will set you free.

Whenever the anxiety or fear snatch me by the tongue and dry my mouth, I don’t freeze any longer. I’ve been there before; I know the feeling, look at these battle scars. I won’t let anything hurt you; I’ll try and make everything okay. I allowed my pain to keep me down; it prevented me from living my fantasies. I can’t state it never comes back again, but each victory gets slightly more comfortable.

Setbacks happen, progress deteriorates, but it’s all a part of the journey. You can’t look backwards, you can’t blame yourself forever, trust me there hits a point where you have to decide between progress and staying in your situation. Life’s circumstances are continually changing; all you can do is be the best you. One second it rains, the next it’s sunny. But if you aren’t alive, you can’t enjoy those beautiful days. Being alive is more than living; being alive is purpose, passion and love.

You buried your pain in your passion, success and external love, but you forgot to heal. You’re the most important person in your life, but you act like you don’t know. So many years of your life have felt like hell for your soul. And I know you stay there from strength rather than weakness, but you can’t live like this. You don’t have to go through this alone. I love you, I want you and I accept you. Give me a chance; let me join you in that pain, I love me enough for both of us. Let me walk with you, I’m willing to walk the earth for you. Let me feel the same torture I know you bare, let me understand you.

I haven’t given up on you, one day I’ll find just the right way to bring you back home, even when you relapse.

Damn, how I wish I could love myself like that consistently. But instead, I could feel a relapse coming; I was slipping back into old habits, making the same mistakes and feeling the same old way. But what is a relapse? A deterioration in someone’s state of health after a temporary improvement. Sometimes when we’re recovering from a period of pain, anxiety, stress or low mood, relapse will probably happen in all honesty. It’s difficult to move forward from those negative thoughts associated those periods. But it’s a part of life and unfortunately, life and time never stop regardless of how you feel. But you can get through it. How? I know it’s a bit corny especially since this Kanye’s been misbehaving, but the answer is love. Most importantly, here you need to show yourself two different types, a real tough love but also a kind and compassionate love.

Take it seriously; I believe you have to be extremely careful in periods of relapse. In hindsight, I realised that I often took it these periods lightly and often I found myself in even deeper dark holes. At times, I was helpless and weak. Building up all of the courage to get back on your feet just to get slammed right back to square one is soul crushing. I felt as if there would be no breakthrough, only one big perpetual cycle. So I sincerely sympathise with anyone going through it, but we can be part of the change, you don’t need to go through it alone.

A way to stop relapse and really conquer your problems is to be strong and face them head-on. This requires a lot of self-analysis, but you’ll need to be tough on yourself and tell yourself the truth. Some of the hard truth’s I had to learn is that I was very ungrateful; always seeking my next success, I was ego driven, and a lot of this caused my internal pain. My nature bred a lot of pride, this led to me not seeking help and continuously isolating myself. I couldn’t see how much I’ve grown. I couldn’t see all that I’ve achieved. I couldn’t see my potential. Worst of all, I had all the tools I needed to make a come back around me. Eventually, I made an effort to reach out to more friends, get out more and attend more events. Quickly I felt a change, and I realised that a lot of people around me were experiencing what I was feeling. So, take some time out to think and really think hard about the negative traits that you have, that are stopping you from completing your recovery. And be honest, thorough but patient. But most importantly act thinking doesn’t change things.

On the other hand, it’s important to not be too hard on yourself; you must grow to understand that life is a journey and process. It’s important to do the healthy things that make you happy. Yes, to emphasise, I said healthy, don’t try and skip over that word buddy. Give yourself rewards, buy yourself things but make sure it is to the benefit of your recovery. Earlier this year I was having a tough time at work. It was disappointing because I was actually trying extremely hard, but it was like I kept having this particular issue. In this instance, it felt like tough love wouldn’t have been the right approach. So instead took a really peaceful trip to Malaga, it was a reward for my first job, and I wanted to celebrate the fact that I had finally gotten onto the ladder. I felt as if I was pretty jaded, so it was amazing and refreshing to spend five days with two of my favourite people. That reward gave me the right boost, and I’m finishing the year strong.

Always listen to your energy, when something isn’t right, attack it head on. You’re in this relationship for life. Don’t let your pain, fear, anxiety or depression of the past come back and affect the love you have for yourself. And this isn’t a new relationship; the honeymoon period is over. Don’t doubt the love you have for yourself just because it doesn’t make you jump up and down. Just understand that low periods come now matter how sweet life is. Pay attention to your spirit, act accordingly and love perpetually.

Øracle

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Not everyone is bound to live the same life. There are always some designed to live different.. “Living a life that is meant for you” is published by Mon07.

June is a medical intuitive with over 30 years of expertise in personal growth and intuition. June has been featured on TV shows such as “The Today Show” and “Good Morning America,” in newspapers…